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petaled
words, slowly falling
25 November 2010 @ 09:12 pm
11 November 2010 @ 09:25 pm
This week... has not been a very good week for me. Insomnia, creaky dreams, angst, panic, dread.
So today was ultra good, which made it all very worthwhile.
So today was ultra good, which made it all very worthwhile.
- In the morning Qin passed me a japanese biscuit (love!) and my leaf ring. Good omens!
- The math paper was fine, I could do everything, doing all those papers was worth it.
- History paper was the best! I really nervous before it, so when I realised they didn't give us insane questions I really happy. Wrote so hard that my table moved 30 degrees and I now have a blister on my thumb. The source-based question was the BEST it was so fun to do!
- I really love this. History. Philo. Writing.
- I mean, of course, I wouldn't do it all over again. But when I write something worthwhile it feels really good.
- I'm going to miss this.
- Soup spoon and wandering around Kinokuniya with Qin.
- I feel like I actually have a life again!
- The worst week has passed. I can do this :)
- Remotivated, suddenly. I'm gonna survive this and "explode with flying colours".
Current Mood: chipper
04 November 2010 @ 02:35 am
This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope no love no glory
No happy ending
Every single little thing seems to be slipping through my fingers, and nothing I can do will stop this. Where do I want to be at the end of the road? Maybe sometimes I just need to cut loose, learn to let go and let live. Maybe if I take a step back everything will look much more secure than it really is.
At what point did fighting for people become fighting with them?
Current Music: happy ending | mika
03 November 2010 @ 08:10 pm
It is quite sad, is it not, that I feel compelled to make a graphic for this?
After the exams are over I am quitting this livejournal for a new photoblog, a cleaner one, more for my photography than for my thoughts. I am 18 - it is probably time to clean up the act. Of course I will still spew the occasional 4 am post - but only with photographs, or graphics, or something I made. Anytime I am feeling unhappy or disillusioned I will just write it in the little book Qin gave me. I mean, if I am close to people, I will talk / email / message them. It no longer makes sense (to me) for me to share my brain with the world. (Who, in all justification, probably does not want to see my emotional vomit anyway.) I am going to focus on becoming a better person after November. No, seriously. I don't think I can handle the exams AND becoming a better person at the same time. We must know our limits!
Lately I have been addicted to making text-based graphics. Hm.
31 October 2010 @ 09:26 pm
Studying is beginning to get on my nerves - my first paper is history but lately I have been wanting to study everything but history: Math, economics, literature. Okay, not philosophy. I am probably going to do badly for that, which is really bad news. I can undo two years of sleeping in math but not two years of sleeping in KI. History is driving me insane because I've studied so much history in the past two years goddamnit I should be really good at this now it's like how much studying I've done for literature and economics combined and STILL I am not getting that elusive A. Not anywhere near it and this is the most frustrating because it is not - unlike math - for a lack of trying. It has gotten to the point where I look at my history files and I feel nauseous.
At first I expected I would stagnate and get bored after the exams - which probably will happen, just that I will recover really quickly and be back on my feet doing things, learning things. Picking up French again, probably dance as well. Going to try and repair my camera myself and try to get a small plastic camera as well. Going to write and write and write, and watch all the shows and movies I've been saving for the end.
Will I do well? Will I get to go to France? I think these, somehow, have already been set in stone. What we are trying to do now is to push the limits, and not to grow altogether new ones. I am not sure if that makes sense, I don't make very much sense these days.
Back to history.
P.S. Literature: The last line of the extract is short and curt, ending the extract abruptly and revealing the main character's feeling of resignation towards the subject.
P.P.S. While reading History notes (yes I know she said we should not be reading notes any longer but that is the way I roll) I start making little annotations which I cannot use in my history essays on the side, like "wage-push inflation! wage increments not proportional to productivity growth!"
At first I expected I would stagnate and get bored after the exams - which probably will happen, just that I will recover really quickly and be back on my feet doing things, learning things. Picking up French again, probably dance as well. Going to try and repair my camera myself and try to get a small plastic camera as well. Going to write and write and write, and watch all the shows and movies I've been saving for the end.
Will I do well? Will I get to go to France? I think these, somehow, have already been set in stone. What we are trying to do now is to push the limits, and not to grow altogether new ones. I am not sure if that makes sense, I don't make very much sense these days.
Back to history.
P.S. Literature: The last line of the extract is short and curt, ending the extract abruptly and revealing the main character's feeling of resignation towards the subject.
P.P.S. While reading History notes (yes I know she said we should not be reading notes any longer but that is the way I roll) I start making little annotations which I cannot use in my history essays on the side, like "wage-push inflation! wage increments not proportional to productivity growth!"
